Completely Unnecessary
by Unsaid Goodbyes
Summary: “Artemis, I’ve told you time and time again,” She scolded, “Do you think I want you to be kidnapped?” Sometimes parents have no idea what they’re doing. Especially Artemis’. OOC, AU.


A/N: Here's a new one-shot, that took me very shortly to write. It's a no-plot story, and just basically another exercise in character. I've discovered my favourite characters (in books, mangas, and animes) are very apathetic or cold characters, because I find them very complex and mysterious. It's very alluring. Anyways, onto my…probably mediocre (love that word) writing…

Summary: "Artemis, I've told you time and time again," She scolded, "Do you think I want you to be kidnapped?" Sometimes parents have _no_ idea what they're doing. Especially Artemis'. OOC, AU.

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**Title: **Completely Unnecessary

**Rating: **T

**Author: **Breathless Tomb

One-Shot

**3****rd**** Person's POV**

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Artemis gritted his teeth in anger. His sensitive ears could vaguely pick up the numerous snickers coming from the onlookers, causing him to blush furiously from embarrassment. He was simply outraged at his parents—mostly his mother, but he didn't see his _father_ even bat an eyelash at her absurdity. His tender, four-year old mind was reeling, trying to calculate the best possibly escape route. _Duck through the fountain when she's distracted,_ he contemplated, _or I could convince her to enter the nearest armoury and plan my escape there._

He was jolted back to reality when his mother gave a soft, but firm tug on the child leash. His arm sockets were almost sore from all the jerks he'd received over the past hour. A few more giggles reached his ears, causing the healthy flush on his face to darken. He'd never felt so _humiliated_ by such a small gesture. He hadn't thought it possible for his mother to _ever_ think he'd be fine with wearing a…_leash!_

"Come on Arty," His mother cooed, a few feet ahead of him, "We're leaving now." Artemis huffed at the intolerable nickname, yet grudgingly trailed on after her. He wanted _so badly_ to put up a fuss, but his conscience consistently denied him, reasoning that _'it would upset his mother'_. Inwardly, Artemis snorted at his good side. He was fairly certain his mother just _acted_ saddened most of the time to guilt Artemis into submission.

And if it wasn't enough to publically humiliate Artemis; they'd been in the shopping center all day. He was _exhausted_. He was sure when he aged up to be a ripe young man; he would look back on his childhood with malice, grateful that he was no longer that hideous age. Someday, and when that day came, Artemis swore to himself he'd take full advantage of the perks.

But, as for now, he was stuck in the dreadful, underage body of a four-year old. It was appalling really, the restrictions his tiny body limited. _Useless_. And now, under the influence of the _leash_…it only intensified his disgust for _children_ in general. He didn't enjoy being _around_ them, and he definitely didn't appreciate _being_ one.

"Mother," He complained, trailing after his glowing mother, "I do not see why I must wear this ridiculous thing." A few of the bystanders seemed impressed by his flawless grammar and how eloquently he'd spoken. His parents didn't even remark on it, having long gotten used to their prodigy of a son. Angeline—his mother—however, raised an eyebrow at her son's words.

"Artemis, I've told you time and time again," She scolded, "Do you think I want you to be kidnapped?" She smiled her soft-mother smile, "I love you so much that I never want anything bad to happen to you." And she reached down to give him a loving pat on the head. It seemed a bit patronizing to Artemis though, as if he were being told, _'just smile and act like the perfect little poster child and leave the other matters to us'_. And Artemis didn't particularly like being patronized.

"But mother!" Artemis growled, which wasn't _that_ intimidating in his squeaky toddler voice, "I look like a trot-about circus poodle! No one in the right mind would be able to take me seriously wearing this odd garment." Artemis' father looked away, trying to hide his tell-tale smirk, though Artemis didn't miss it. He turned his glare on his quiet father.

"Father, why won't you tell her that I shouldn't have to wear this thing?" Artemis narrowed his eyes, "Surely you don't honestly think I _need_ this absurd thing, do you?" Artemis' father smiled sheepishly under Artemis' and Angeline's double glares. Nervously, he played with the cuffs of his jacket.

"Just listen to what your mother says Artemis," He mumbled under his breath, averting his eyes. Artemis clenched his small hands into fists, taking deep breaths through his nose.

"Demo, otou-sama," He whined, slipping into Japanese, as Artemis had the bad habit of slipping into the other languages he'd learned when under a great amount of mental or emotional stress. Angeline raised an eyebrow, disbelief and admonition in her eyes. Artemis' face had taken on a purple tint, and he was visibly shaking. Artemis grabbed hold of his leash, trying to forcefully pull it off his neck, not even paying attention to the fact that he was choking himself.

"Artemis Fowl," His mother spoke, in a low, intense voice, "You listen to me. I'm your mother. _Oka-sama_. Don't you speak to me in that tone of voice young man, and don't give me that look. You're our son," She walked to him, kneeling down to speak to him at eye level, "You're the heir to the Fowl fortune. Even the most docile looking area is a threat to you. We are merely taking extra precautions. Isn't it enough that we love you?" At this, her eyes began to widen and water, successfully shutting Artemis up.

Angeline gave a smug smirk and stood up to her full height—which wasn't that tall compared to Artemis I, but to the young Fowl, she was equal to a giant—and continued walking by Artemis' father's side. The little raven-haired boy followed behind her obediently, muttering to himself maniacally. He was absolutely _sure_ his mother had faked her tears, but _still_ he continued to obey her. _The sap!_

As Artemis trudged behind his parents, he casually looked around the shopping center, observing the people who were going on with their daily, average lives. Most of the people were by far older than him, laughing and shopping and _not_ on leashes. But, from the corner of his eye, so off in the distance that he almost missed it, was a young, four-years old boy, running around, near his parents, but free of any child leash. Artemis stopped dead in his tracks.

Angelina turned back to him, her expression frustrated again, "Artemis what is it no—" Her words trailed off when she saw the cold blue eyes that glowered back up at her. Artemis grabbed onto the end of the child leash, but instead of pulling on it, he waved it in front of him a bit.

"This. Is. Completely. Unnecessary," He ground out through clenched teeth, "_That_ boy over there isn't wearing one, and he's absolutely fine! I understand why you worry about my well-being, but—to be frank—if you were as terrified as you _say_ you are, you would've left me at home with Butler instead of prancing about with me from store to store." As he went on, his voice only rose and rose, much to the shock of his parents. He didn't stop there.

"And furthermore, why must _I_ ridicule myself wearing this device and not receive anything in return? And don't say that this _thing_ is attractive, because you know as well as I that it's about as _pretty_ as a genital wart." A few years off, a couple of elderly women gasped in horror at his words. Little Artemis blushed, but ranted on, "I do imagined I'd receive _some_ sort of reward for allowing you to dress me up so ridiculously—and I know I put up a _small_ tantrum, but I remained _relatively_ quiet. So, I _demand_ that you either reward me or remove this _clown_ attire at once!"

In pure shock, Angeline took the child leash off, folded it and placed it in her purse. The young Artemis smiled in self-satisfaction, doing his best to flaunt the fact that he was finally freed from the tight hold of the leash. Angeline and Artemis I continued on with their day, still utterly befuddled by their articulate four-year old son.

It was the first and last time Artemis was forced to wear a leash.

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A/N: I actually got the idea for this story from an MLIA: **"Today I was at the supermarket getting some groceries for dinner when I saw a little toddler with one of those "child leashes" on. As I walked by he turned to his mom and said very indignantly, 'Mother! I do not see why I must wear this ridiculous thing!' with grammar like that, I don't see why he has to either." **

So yeah, it made me laugh. And I got to put some Japanese in this story. *Smiles happily* I'm obsessed with Japanese right now, and I'm actually considering writing a full Japanese story sometime in the near future. (Probably not, because I'm better with Rōmanji than Kanji per say.)

Oka-sama: Mother (My honourable)

Demo: But…

Otou-sama: Father (My honourable)

Artemis seems a little immature and not as well-spoken in this story, but come off it. He's four. Even a prodigy at four-years old had _some_ childish qualities to him. I rarely write Artemis Fowl stories anymore (not like on my old account) because I feel like I can't do him justice. Besides this—slightly—of course. I can't write a genius. I'm not one, so I don't have the vocabulary or the logistics of one. I use the Thesaurus when I need help. Not my own brain. Anyways, review please!

--Breathless Tomb--


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